So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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