Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
