It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
