He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
