you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A bitchslap is in order.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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