she was so not down for the gang bang
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
