what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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