My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
