those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
