Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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