Ambien. No doubt about it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
