1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's never too late to be topless.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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