last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
