Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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