I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
