nut hugger
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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