Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
