Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
