I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
