I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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