Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
