I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
