She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We talked him into tasing himself.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
