my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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