Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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