I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
