I hate your face
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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