I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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