She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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