Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
