i may or may not be watching the land before time
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
