I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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