the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
