So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm like, not good at living.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
