they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
