umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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