Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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