This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
