You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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