I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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