I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
