He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
