i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
