the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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