Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
