we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
