well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
