I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
