O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
