We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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