i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
