I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
how drunk are you?
Several
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
