I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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