kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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