the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
