It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
