i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
