You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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