hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i don't like sucking hair
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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