Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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