my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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