Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
