i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
