She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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