I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
