Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
