so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
