her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
