Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
