I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize