I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
