yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
