I wish my penis had an off switch
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you win again, gameday.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
