absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
