I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
