I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
