You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize